Episode 80: Managing the Transition from Peer to Boss

Welcome to another edition of "Around with Randall" your weekly podcast making your nonprofit more effective for your community, and here is your host, the CEO and Founder of Hallett Philanthropy, Randall Hallett.

Thank you once again for joining me, Randall, right here on "Around with Randall."Today's podcast conversation is based on a recent experience of a client in an interesting situation, and you could almost put yourself in the exact same scenario. Consider that you have an opening as the manager, boss, director, whatever in your office and you work there and you've applied. You've been very successful what you're doing and all of a sudden you are elevated into the new position and all of a sudden all of the people that were peers all of a sudden now become these professionally subordinates. How do you work through that change? And you can imagine if you've not been in it the changes that are in the dynamic of the relationships and the offices, things of that nature from the from site meaning maybe this individual got a bigger office or is now has an office, is removed from the social setting that they were used to in the office, and certainly with the personnel there, that all of a sudden there are tactical things in terms of supervision that weren't present before.

The initial reaction many times is one of great joy. I was rewarded for the work that I've done. Someone believes that I can do more, and then the practicalities can set in as to what it actually means on a daily basis. And if you liked working where you did, or like where you work with the people you work with, relationships change. And in some ways this is the essence of being a leader. How do you make this transition? That's what we want to talk about today, and I had a client go through this and I've spent some time with her working through some of these challenges as she has tried to develop an understanding and an appreciation and acceptance of the new role.

Today's podcast is going to be a little bit more tactical because we're going to talk about these opportunities in these moments to maintain and grow individually, to keep the office moving forward positively and to build out a new sense of relationships or roles or interactions with a group of people that you may have sat around, sat with on a regular basis. So what are the things that, if you're in this scenario, can you do? Well, the first and foremost is to not just engage in group conversation, particularly as an office or as as a whole, but to really build into the thought process of one-on-one meetings. The first probably thing that needs to be realized is that the relationship dynamics that you had are going to be different going forward and there's nothing that can change that. They're going to change no matter what. The question is, do they change for the better or more appropriate or for the worse? One-on-one meetings allow for a conversation and almost an acceptance or or an admittance of, you know, our relationship might change a little bit and, I think that's the first thing. I think sometimes people are apprehensive about that change, understandably.

So let's put it on the other side of the table. Let's say you're the leader and or you're the the employee and your colleague was elevated or promoted into a new job. They may not know what to expect either, and as they are now the subordinate they may not want to bring it up. Maybe they feel as if they're in the wrong or that they're not doing all the things they should be to understand the dynamics to allow that? Open conversation can alleviate an immense amount of concerns, fears, and objections right off the bat. You might want to lay out what the vision is, and we'll talk about it at the very end about speaking about the past here in a moment. It's also an opportunity for you to invite them to seek input to help you. If you're the leader, what's their vantage point of all of this? What would you do differently?

I'm interested in creating a collaborative environment that can foster the best opportunity to support the office, the direction, the mission, the non-profit, the organization as a whole. Seeking input and out and giving them permission to bring input is important. It's kind of like the way I look at my five-year-old and my soon-to-be nine-year-old. I want their input. It's important but it doesn't mean that they get to make the decision, and there's actually a difference there, and setting that boundary can be really important. Also it's a great opportunity to re-establish or to engage in or to talk about the process of expectations. If we are in a non-profit environment, let's say a fundraising operation because that's where I deal most of my time, are the metrics going to stay the same? Are the ways in which we talk about the metrics going to stay the same? Are there new ways that we'll look at evaluations or at least consider options? Does this allow the staff member the opportunity to talk about those desires or those, you know, frustrations that came with previous discussions around expectations? It'll, it sets kind of a baseline of what's to be expected by the individuals in the office when you're the new supervisor, manager, boss. I think the other thing it does is it facilitates the idea of rapport, trust that you begin the relationship anew in that one-on-one meeting, a chance for the relationship to grow.

Think about it. If you didn't do the one-on-one meeting you might be seen as aloof or, oh she's not or he's not one of us anymore, or look they got the big promotion and they're just totally different. What a great opportunity to level-set, but yes there may be some changes, but I'm generally the same person and we had a good relationship and I look forward for that to continue. If you don't have that one-on-one the negative consequences could be very dramatic and probably not in the best interest of the relationship or your leadership or the office or organization or whatever the circumstance in the long run.

Number two is - so first was set up that one-on-one meeting - second one is to set some boundaries because they're going to change, is that you might go, you might have been buddy buddy and you talked about all kinds of things at the water cooler or sitting around the cubicle or wherever and that's probably gonna change. It's really hard to have a very strong personal relationship, a friend with a subordinate. It's just hard.

And the second to last thing I'm going to talk about is this idea of embracing change overall, and i'll bring it up here. Life, professionally, will be different. Setting boundaries about what's acceptable, and maybe it's not just in that one meeting, maybe it's over the course time and it's respectful, but if they're, you're used to talking about personal issues in the home and you're now promoted you might have to have a conversation say you know I think that's a great conversation for out in the office but probably not here anymore. Setting boundaries is important. Talking about the organization differently how many times have we been in discussions with colleagues who are at our level or in our office or you trust and you're saying gosh we're not doing the things we should be? Maybe they're even a little bit stronger than that and now if you're the boss you're representing the organization differently and being able to stem that conversation may be important. Setting boundaries will create a new dynamic in the relationship but will also reduce the damage, harm, or problems that can come in that new dynamic.

Number one, hold one-on-one meetings. Number two was set boundaries. Number three is to communicate, communicate communicate. And when you're done communicating, decide to communicate some more. Think about being available. Communication isn't just going out of the office in terms of communication, it's the ability for information to come in. Are you available? I remember the scene from Justin Timberlake's movie with Mili, I can never say her last name and I apologize, Canulius, where he goes and he is moving across the from the west coast, east coast to become a editor at a large publication in his first day in the office he literally takes his door off the hinges and I believe it's friends with benefits and it's a I think a really poignant scene about leadership. I am available for you. It shouldn't be just the things I dictate coming out, it's how do I make myself open to concerns, thoughts, criticisms whatever that is in this process. Empathize is critically important in this communication. Saying to someone, yeah this is a challenge, yes it's new. And finally, the ability to just listen. I think one of the great lessons I've learned is that sometimes people just want to talk. They're not even looking for you to solve their problem, they just want to put it out there in the air, so know the difference between someone who is looking for some advice, some direction, and those that are just gosh I just want to get it off my chest. Communication.

Number four is thinking about your influence, and this is the changing dynamic of the relationship. You might have said something before the promotion, and you say the exact same words and it could be about the company, could be about an individual, could be about a situation. It could be about another organization, could be about the world in general, and because of the change in title and position the even though they're the exact same words or the same behavior they could mean entirely different things. Realize that your influence has probably grown in many areas, and depending on the depth of the relationship might have decreased in others. That may mean you have to be a little bit softer on some comments, or a little less commentary on other subjects, because that level of influence can affect the behaviors of your team. If you were used to being maybe a little more critical than you should of the CEO, of the organization, and all of a sudden now you've been promoted that influence is pretty big. If you continue to do it meaning you're green lighting, making it okay for everyone to do the same, it's probably not the right role for a leader.

Number five is to share success, and this is true anywhere. But I think one of the things that can be most difficult is that someone might think, well you know they got promoted so they're going to take all the credit. Nobody got to where they're at alone. Everybody has partners and contributors that make a difference in who they are and what they accomplish, and what the successes are. Share those successes. Share them privately. Stick your head in the door, gosh you did a great job, made this happen. Do them semi-publicly, a writing of a note, a little bit more formal publicly if there's some type of recognition, sharing that with the team. I think there's some real opportunities to develop respect at a new level if you share the success. If you hoard the success you will be resented, and if you have been in situations where that is true you know what that feels like. It is critically important and will build confidence and a sense of camaraderie amongst your office and with the people you used to be, maybe in the office with before you were promoted, if you share success.

Being confident, number six, is critically important. Sometimes that's hard. My favorite television show of all time is West Wing. Can't say how many times I've seen it. One of the episodes which is a flashback of where the, Jed Bartlett the then pres, the President United States was initially beginning his run to become president and he was being prompted and pushed and controlled by his dear, dear friend Leo. He asks his dear friend why did you pick me? I can't, I don't have it in me. I'm not sure I can do this, and my favorite phrase maybe amongst all in the shows or the eight, seven years that it ran was what he his friend said in return... fake it till you make it. If you don't exude confidence that will be perceived as you don't know what you're doing. Now there's a difference between exuding confidence and lying and deceiving. I'm not advocating that there's nothing worse as a leader, but it's okay to try to exude confidence. And one of the most confident things I hear from people is when they say gosh, that's a great question, I don't know the answer, but I know where to get it. Leadership isn't about knowing everything. Leadership is knowing where to go get the information to make the best decision possible and to bring people along. They can help you make that decision. That's what fake it till you make it means in consulting. I've been very fortunate to have so many different experiences but there are times where I just don't know the answer and I'm okay with saying I don't know the answer, but I always know where to go find, or reach out, or to talk to someone to figure out what the answer might be. Confidence isn't just being a know-it-all. Confidence is knowing how to get to the finish line with a lot of people in support of what you're trying to accomplish.

Don't forget number ,I think six, seven, excuse me. Get in, get your hands dirty, don't alienate yourself by isolating yourself. Get in there and get in the trenches with them. If you used to do certain things in terms of workload, continue to do that. One of my favorite things was to get out of the office, out of my office. When I was at the medical center I had this enormous office. I don't know why somebody built it it, certainly wasn't me but I used to go sit in my staff's offices. What are you doing? How can I help? Or if we had a meeting they'd say okay well, we'll do it in your office and then no I'll come to you. It was a symbol of getting in the trenches with them. Don't be afraid to go back to them in their physical comfortable space. It doesn't always have to be in the boss's office. You'd be surprised that simple concept can make a world of difference when it comes to working with people that you used to that used to work with that now you manage.

Couple more. You're gonna have to probably disengage from casual conversations. What used to be discussed at the water cooler may be still discussed at the water cooler but may not need to include you. That's part of the changing dynamic of the relationship. You may have to give a few things up in terms of that communication. What is discussed in office sometimes isn't best for the boss to hear all the time, and that's okay. You probably should look to a network of support in some way shape or form, whether that's at home with a significant other or spouse. Maybe that's with a mentor. Maybe that's with other people in the community that are in similar positions or in the organization. But your social support network's probably going to change too because there's certain things you can't take back to them anymore. So where do you get your advice from? In fact, in consulting, that's what I do, not a majority of the time but probably plurality of the time is more about listening and thinking about with individuals, about how to strategize in different situations because they can't have those conversations in the office anymore.

I mentioned this before. Be ready to embrace change. Life's going to be different and you've got to be ready for that. You've got to be ready for things to look, feel, and be different and that's okay. It's growth on everybody's part.

My last recommendation is, don't speak ill or badly of the past. Speak about how you can be better in the future. Maybe you're replacing someone who you didn't have as much respect for or didn't believe was as as successful as they should have been, caused themselves problems and issues. Whatever the circumstance, the sign of a leader is being able to look into the future and figure out how do we get to where we want to go, not to look back and say let's bag on these people because they didn't do it the right way. You might have an issue where maybe there's people in the office who used to work amongst or work among and maybe they were supporters of the previous leader and you didn't know it. Speaking ill of them is going to hurt that relationship. It doesn't mean you have to lie and say everything was great. I think the answer is, we have an opportunity to do even better and grow and be more successful. That embracing of the future and what's possible will bring you credibility, will bring you a sense of following people, following you because you're setting a vision and a direction, and we'll also clarify a lot of other things around setting boundaries and setting expectations and sharing the success. If you live in the past and you're really a negative nelly about that past, eventually it's going to catch up to you. So being positive about where you're going is much more important than being. It doesn't mean don't learn from the past, but don't be negative about it. It's really tough to go from being a peer to a leader. Most often it's, you leave the organization and then you start over. Every once in a while this happens. You might take some of these lessons to heart and it was a great conversation I had with a client who we worked through many of these conversations over a couple month period, and I think she's going to do great. I think she's going to be in great shape, and maybe there's something here that can help you as well.

Don't forget to check out the blogs on the website at hallettphilanthropy.com, posted two or three a week and of course if you want to get a hold of me email me at podcast@hallettphilanthropy.com. Remember, non-profit work is a privilege. You're part of something that's critically important. Remember my favorite saying, some people make things happen, some people watch things happen, then they're those who wondered what happened, and at the end of the day nonprofit work is all about people who make things happen for people and things that we think are critical in our community and have needs, but they're wondering or wondering what happened. There isn't a plan. That's the value of what we do. And I hope you feel that every day. I hope you feel what you deliver makes a difference because it does. I'll look forward to seeing you next time right here back on "Around with Randall," and don't forget make it a great day.