When Power Becomes Overbearing - Navigating Unnecessary Authority
Our first 2025 basketball game…my son’s team. Some new players, but basically the same group. Coaching my son’s team, along with my daughter’s, is part of what I do to be a good father. And hopefully a good example. While being 11 and 8, respectively, we are not playing for a gold medal. One practice a week. One game a week. Just have fun, get better, learn terrific life lessons, and try to win if possible. Not much more.
But our first game left a sour taste in my mouth. Not because of the score, the kids, the game, or the results. It was the new referees.
It is sad when the insecurity of others greatly diminishes the experience of all…all based on the over and inappropriate use of power.
Referees have a tough job. My rule is don’t complain, personally thank them after each game, and have the kids say thank you as well. No grousing about calls…nothing.
But the two new referees wanted everyone to know they were “in charge.” Lots of comments. To the kids. To the coaches. Fouls/violations all over the place. More than I really want to explain.
Encountering someone who asserts power unnecessarily can be frustrating and emotionally draining. Whether it happens in the workplace, social settings, or even casual interactions, being on the receiving end of unwarranted authority often leads to feelings of resentment, helplessness, and even self-doubt.
From a psychological perspective, this experience can trigger a threat response in the brain, activating stress and anxiety. When someone exerts power inappropriately, it can create a sense of injustice and imbalance, making the person on the receiving end feel undervalued or disrespected. The lack of control in the situation can erode self-esteem, leading to frustration and, over time, disengagement.
Humans are naturally wired to seek autonomy and fairness. When these fundamental needs are disrupted by unnecessary displays of control, it can evoke feelings of powerlessness and irritation. Additionally, repeated exposure to such dynamics can lead to passive acceptance or, conversely, defensive reactions that may escalate conflict.
The key to managing these encounters is recognizing the emotional impact, setting boundaries, and understanding that the need for dominance often stems from the other person's insecurities or desire for validation. Responding with composure and clear communication can help reclaim a sense of control and minimize negative emotions.
I tried to do all of these (and did). But there is still a sour taste in my mouth. It is just an 11-year old’s game. One hour. But it is amazing how “unfettered power trips” can really ruin a good thing.
