Episode 69: Communication in Challenging Times - Building Relationships

Welcome to another edition of “Around with Randall,” your weekly podcast making your nonprofit more effective for your community. And here is your host, the CEO and founder of Hallett Philanthropy, Randall Hallett.

It's another edition of “Around with Randall,” and of course I’m Randall and I’m very appreciative that you would join me for this particular conversation. And today's topic in our 15 to 20 minutes together is about the world of communication. Today's environment, professionally, is complicated and you end up in scenarios where communication that we depended on for many years, consistent face-to-face interaction whether that is for an office an interplay of an office dynamic or in the world of philanthropy and active fundraising, communication externally particularly with donors and prospects has changed. And what I think I’m most interested in is creating, at least in the clients that I have the privilege of working with, and hopefully today is to advocate a sense of flexibility that we have to understand that everybody's coming at this with a different series of thoughts, emotions, priorities, conflict, concern. Everybody's in a different place but there are some basic things that we can do that will help with our communication, whether that's in person, which hopefully becomes more and more frequent as we go through 2022, or if we stay virtual some of the time. And I think we will, whether or not we see it decreasing, covet over the long term that the dynamics of going to an office, the dynamics of organizations willing to pay for office space, people willing to travel, is one in which I think we're not going back to the way it was in 2019.

Why is all of this important, if you don't have really good communication? Let me walk you through some of the thoughts I have about what the outcomes are that are really detrimental and seem to push decision making and other things into hyperdrive and generally can put people in bad positions for life-altering thoughts and professional direction when they make a decision. Bad communication creates challenges. Bad communication is a really strong detriment to so many people, if not all, because we tend as human beings not to allow vacuums, as I think about it, of data. If you can't see the whole situation, meaning you're on the outside looking into a particular scenario, you're not part of the in group who's talking or that you're not part of the decision-making group and it's not well communicated, what's going on inside that group, human nature is that we tend to make up facts to fit our perspective, our vantage point, to know and think we know what's going on, and that could lead to absolutely 180 degree different scenarios. And actually what's occurring, the equivalent of this, is the way I look at the news today. 

Every morning I wake up and I tend to read an immense amount of information perusing anywhere from 9 to 13 publications every day, and those publications are widely diverse and sometimes I think surprise people I read the Wall Street Journal, I read the headlines on Fox News. At the same time i'm reading the New York Times, I’m reading the headlines on cnn.com, and then I get a local flavor. I’m reading of course my own local paper the Omaha World Herald. I’m still reading the Kansas City Star, The Minneapolis Star Tribune, the Saint Paul Pioneer Press, USA Today, Bloomberg,   Real Politics, clearpolitics.com… just a few samplings. If we don't know what's going on inside a group, who's making decisions or having communication, we tend to make up things that fit our perspective. I don't want when I read the news to have that issue, so I’m looking for a complete understanding from both sides of a political spectrum to make my own determinations. I’m not allowing my own preconceived notions to dictate some of the things that I don't know ,and that's what I think is so important about the connection between my example in the news and what's happening in our offices or with relationships is we don't do some basic things to see the entire picture, and part of that is a leadership responsibility for environment, part of that's an individual responsibility for you, for me, for everyone to know the actual facts and details as much as we can, and have hopefully leadership in the organization or the the the organizations which we are affiliated with producing as much of that data that information is possible, so that's kind of the philosophical. The rest is, so about 15 minutes or so probably the less probably 13 - 14 minutes on the tactical. There are some things that you can do if you're a leader to create an environment of better communication, or if you're an individual and you don't think you have all the communication, some things you can do to increase the way you communicate with others as well as receive communication, and I think that this is applicable not only in professional life but personal lives. 

I don't see my sisters as often as I used to because of covid and travel restrictions and people being careful, more careful. How do I make sure I’m not missing pieces of the puzzle? So the tactical pieces are about 10 or so different things to think about when you communicate or when you are responsible or leading, trying to create an environment of great communication. So the first one is - seems simple in terms of identification - but it's highly complicated in terms of creating. It's the environment and really it's about trust. If you have an environment of trust, if you have a relationship based on trust you're not as concerned about what you don't know you still won't know things but you're not as concerned, I’ll use on a personal side and then maybe talk about some things that we can do to increase that environment and improve the communication, the trust. My relationship with my wife, I don't know what she's doing all day. I don't work from my home, I work in an office. She doesn't know what I’m doing all day but there's trust at a level that maybe some people don't get to. I hope everyone does. I don't worry about it. I don't even know where she is every second. She's doing something, something important for herself, for the family, for the kids, maybe for me maybe for us. I don't need communication every moment although we seem to talk four or five times a day and text constantly because we like each other. If you don't know something that's going on inside the organization, or if you're the leader and you know there are certain things you can't communicate quite as quickly as everybody wants, it's trust in the environment that's going to make that last, give you the the the thought or give you the the benefit of the doubt so what can you do something. 

What can you do in the environment regarding trust? Number one, respectfully and appropriately, it's not about everything. It's important to think about the people you work with as people. They're just not cogs in the work machine, or if you have a donor we talk about the idea of transformational part of - transformational is that they have a relationship and faith and trust in the people that they interact with from the nonprofit for which you represent how do you respectfully appropriately talk about personal things. How do you make the relationship, the environment more than just basically a cog and a wheel. You you do your job and then you go home. How do you ask how their families? How do you ask how they are doing? Okay how are your parents? How your sisters? Do you know the names of their kids? I think one of the things I try to do and, I don't always get it perfect but I mean I work with 13 or 14 different clients right now, there are very few of them that I don't know particularly the gift officers that I have a lot of interaction with, I don't know how many kids they, I know how many kids they have many times I know their names and their ages where they're in school. I want people to know I’m genuinely interested in what makes them tick and work because if it's good at home there's a better chance for it to be more productive at the office, and I want there to be trust and faith between the relationship that I build, individually, with each person. I know husbands. I know wives. I know significant others. I think that's really important and it's taken time, it's not a data dump, but trust is critically important and it's also about what they need in the communication, that trust you build. What is it that they want for growth or for performance, professionally or personally, what is it that they're missing that maybe you can help with? I think the other one is is that if you're going to say you to do something, you do it. That builds trust. So if you're in the office and you're the boss what are you doing with your team, if your personal relationships are you interacting on a personal level as well as a professional level, again appropriately and respectfully. Some people like to share more, some like to share less, but that's how you build the sense of rapport and trust in an environment, in a relationship. 

The second thing is to communicate frequently and sometimes it's not always formal communication, sometimes it's informal communication that's some that's the most important. I love sending out, you know little gifs of images to people just saying hey I’m thinking about you or pictures of my kids appropriately to people and saying watch this video, that my son's funny. I want people to know I’m a person as well. I think we have done better at the formal communication but we've struggled at the informal.

The third is being an active listener. This one's tough, particularly in a Zoom world, because what studies have said is that body language is responsible up to 55 percent of how the listener perceives what the speaker's saying. And so if you're not paying attention to the camera, if you're not paying attention to the person, you're doing something on another screen, or you're texting or you have your screen down, meaning it's not on if they can't see you you're missing out on immense connection the idea is is to be an active listener to paraphrase and summarize what people say, and say did I get that correctly? It affirms to the person who you're working with that you're actively engaged in the conversation. I think the other thing that's tough is, and I just did this this past week, I had a number of board meetings that I was presenting at. There's like 35 people on my screen. I have no way of being able to assess 35 people like I would in a room when they're all little screens on my computer so there's a challenge with learning to listen but we've got to be better at it and paying attention and being actively engaged in conversations particularly if they're not in person.

Number four is what I think of as perk up presentations. If we knew that when we present data, and I think about powerpoint and I use it constantly because it's a valuable tool but it's got to be a tool, not the answer, is if it's all words and it's boring then people tune out even more quickly. When we have a virtual environment that not less so can you engage with people in a way that changes their viewing habit, less words, more stories, more infographics - things that people can look at quickly and gather and not stay on slides terribly long where you're not going too fast, but where there's lots of words. I also think when you give a presentation or you're communicating with that mechanism the ideas of metaphors and analogies are incredibly important. A metaphor is no different than just a figure of speech, you know, it's kind of that way of expressing something in a way that's unique. Analogy is a group of words when put together make up a connection. Life's like a box of chocolates. You can figure out that you never know what's coming next, really, with that analogy. It allows people to hear and kind of create their own imagery as you do the presentation. 

My favorite, though, in analogy and there'll be some who would disagree with this from a literary perspective, but i'll draw the conclusion here is, I love stories when I talk about why clinician engagement's important particularly in this new Zoom world. I’m doing it from the perspective of, my son needed immense medical care and we struggled to have clinicians, doctors, nurses, and others allow us to say thank you in a meaningful way. Well that has power because I’m talking about my emotions. Why I do what I do, and why I want them to be more receptive to what grateful patients and families are telling them. Now, that's a little bit of a stretch from analogy but it's that storytelling to bring emotion into it.

Next, make sure that when you're on the phone you master the creation of the phone - and this goes back to teaching what I talk about with gift officers in olden days, gray hair, sorry - where we didn't have virtual communication but what we know is is that millennials generally don't like the phone. They'd rather text and email, which we'll talk about here in a second, but I think that what we can do is some simple things like when you smile your voice inflection changes even though the person can't see you if you're on the phone. Or, if you're organized and are able to go through the kind of the thought process of the conversation instead of just kind of winging it, you sound more organized and it sounds more flow of content and and direction. It's really important to show respect and to show courtesy with that tone of voice and sometimes I get it wrong because I’m aggravated, I’m mad, I’m disappointed, and you have to check yourself and say, “How do I sound?” Because they can't see me. Again, that 55 percent is visual. You take that away, all they have is their perception, your voice, its inflection, what you say, how you say it, what it means, are you being respectful, are you listening, are you being courteous, are critically important during phone calls.

Just two more. Writing more effectively. We become more dependent on over time, but I think that the pandemic has pushed this into written communication. So things like emails, texts, heaven forbid Twitter, Facebook, Instagram… all those other places. The average person spends about six hours a day on their computer sending and receiving some form of electronic communication and it averages about 123 a day per person text, email, Instagram, Facebook, whatever. Some communication electronically. A lot of it's email so as you communicate back think about what you're saying. You might take these and maybe even write them down before you hit send. Do you go back and reread it? In some cases, like when I do proposals or I do complicated emails Outlook Microsoft has the ability for the computer to read it back to you and I can't tell you how many times typing or dictating as I do a lot into my phone to get a lot of content up quickly, I have it read back to me by the computer and I’ll go whoa whoa that's not what I meant because I can hear it from the way in which someone else might receive it. Also understand that spellcheck sometimes doesn't pick this up. That's why sometimes you have to read a little bit, maybe find a way to kind of edit yourself. I think the other thing is that sometimes less is more and responding immediately to something that's controversial or that has emotional content can be devastating. Sometimes it's better just to put it all away, wait 12- 24 hours and then respond so that your tone, your goal, isn't compromised in this process.

The last one is that, in kind of this idea of collaboration, is is that we have so many teams working virtually that, and by the way many people particularly millennials and and younger people in generation z, or x, or y are indicating that they really like this. Well, I’m not that generation and so I’ve got to learn how to adjust but this is where compassion and empathy come in. If all we're doing is working virtually with no communication interaction we can lose sense of that empathy. It just becomes another cog in the wheel and that goes back to what we started with about this idea of making sometimes things personal, appropriately, respectfully, but a genuine care for the individuals you're working with. The idea of chats, texts, and social media are not a replacement for face-to-face visits. I sometimes hear that, “Well I talked to the other day.” Great. Where'd you talk? Well we texted. Yeah, you didn't talk to them, you wrote them. That has value but does it have the value you want? So don't look at electronic communication as a replacement, look at it as an additive, a tool, effective, that can help you be a communicator. But don't lose that personal touch that comes from when we're face-to-face, as close as we can be, based on medical and and the world's needs, and our employment, employers needs. To be effective as a great colleague. So those are just some tips along the way to help you and your communication, maybe to get to think a little bit about what other people are thinking about as well when they get your communication, your text, your emails, your phone calls, your virtual calls, whatever it is, and how what however you reach out to others.

Please check out the website, hallettphilanthropy.com, blogs, there two or three a week, 90-second reads, good opportunity to kind of capture a thought and I put something on paper, say look here's something to think about, could be personal, could be professional, and if you want to communicate with me don't forget podcast@hallettphilanthropy.com. Would love to hear, and if you were listening on Amazon Prime or iheartradio or Downcaster or iTunes or wherever, rate us. Please rate me, leave a mark, and share this with somebody else, if it can be helpful to them. As I conclude this podcast I want to do so like I do each and every episode. You are part of an important journey that that our world is going through. Nonprofits are solving problems that we didn't even know existed 18 to 20 months ago, and we're also solving problems in our community and people's needs that are very traditional. Some people make things happen, some people watch things happen, and then there are those who wondered what happened. My favorite all-time saying - old Gaelic thought is that we are people in the nonprofit world who make things happen for those who are wondering what happened, and I hope you can feel that because that can be empowering, and allow you to grow, and allow you to be even better personally and professionally in making a contribution to your nonprofit and also how your nonprofit makes that contribution to your community. I want to thank you for joining me here right here on “Around with Randall.” We'll see you next time and don't forget make it a great day.