Episode 67: Dealing with Adversity - Making the Most out of Bad Situations

Welcome to another edition of “Around with Randall,” your weekly podcast making your nonprofit more effective for your community. And here is your host, the CEO and Founder of Hallett Philanthropy, Randall Hallett. 

I can't thank you enough for joining me here again on this edition of “Around with Randall.” Today we're going to chat a little bit less technical in terms of skills that are related to philanthropy. Maybe a little bit elevated conversation around dealing with adversity, dealing with trying situations when you look at the world today and you have the pandemic and you have the effects of the pandemic personally, professionally, and then you add on top of it the great resignation, which I’ve spent a great number of podcasts and writings talking about. There's a lot of moving pieces in the world and things that maybe we thought year, two three, five years ago that were in line with where we were headed - the direction - our thought process and what we were trying to accomplish may not be where we're at today, and that can cause a lot of anxious thought process, concern. And when things don't maybe go the way we'd hope they end up, causing anxiety, and we end up doing, thinking maybe not acting the way, acting the way we should, acting up, reacting to things inappropriately, all kinds of different things that might occur, and that encourage - that occurs in my world that occurs in your world. It will apply to your professional life. It could be to your personal life. 

Today, I want to spend a little time talking about how to deal with these kind of situations at least things that I have found to be very helpful in two fashions. Number one, the short term. When something happens ,what is it that you need to maybe think about in the moment? And then the long term, how do you not let these things get you down? How do you create a plan of attack for whatever it is you need to accomplish? I always try to start with the short term because that's usually where we get ourselves into trouble where things usually go very much awry, and I kind of have a five-step process that I go through when there's something that upsets me, something that occurs that I didn't like, something's going on I can't control but affects me. I kind of take them in five specific steps. Let me tell you what the five are and then we'll kind of break them down for just a minute or two.

The first is to be able to clearly identify the problem. Number two is is determine the worst case scenario. Number three is is to resolve to accept that the worst might be possible. Number four is then to figure out the scenarios that might be possible, and then number five is don’t, I’ll call it communicate, overreact publicly, too quickly. 

So let me tear these apart. This is all short term. It can be applicable for the long term, but really it's about controlling emotion. Number one is is that when something happens, what is the real issue that we're dealing with? Many times something will come up and we think it's “A” but it's actually “B.” Can you elevate your perspective of the landscape, of what's going on, to really identify what the true issue is? One of the easiest ways to do that is to actually write it out it. Doesn't have to be a thesis. A sentence, this happened because of A,B, and C. I feel this way because of X,Y, and Z. Also, you may find that it's more than one problem. Maybe there's contributing issues that have led to the situation. If you can clearly define it, it will make it much easier to deal with, define it. 

Number two. This may sound morbid and, or, downcast, and I apologize. But it's the way I think about life. Figure out what the worst possible scenario is. Now where does this thought process come from? For Randall Hallett, it comes from law school. I took law school as a lesson in thinking and diagramming solutions to problems because in the law there's only really two really bad outcomes. Someone dies or someone goes bankrupt. Dies is a criminal issue. Bankrupt is probably a civil issue. But if you start from the premise of what's the worst outcome possible, all of a sudden you can begin to build, which we'll talk about options to avoid that worst case scenario. The old adage making lemons out of lemonade is really more true than you probably realize in that what we have come to understand is is that when something bad happens, it's only a certain percentage of the total situation. And whatever is in your control is the remainder. So let me give you an example. Maybe something bad's happened and you're not happy about it. That's 40 or 50 percent of this entire situation. You get to control what the other 50 actually is, but to do that you have to know what the problem is and you have to know, well, if I do this it makes it worse or if I do this it makes it better. So, number two is figure out what the worst case scenario is. 

And then, number three is to do some mental exercises at accepting that the worst case might be possible. But, I’ve also learned maybe with all of this gray hair that I’ve accumulated over the years that almost never does. The worst case scenario actually happen unless you contribute to it, so accepting and understanding how to get to the worst case scenario is also an exercise.  

Number four is creating the scenarios to mitigate the problem. You build out, if i do this how would they react? If i said this how would they react? If I had to adjust my way of thinking, how would they do that?

Which leads us to number five: communication. I am very much an understand - I understand the principles of Twitter and Facebook and Instagram, and all the other mass communications. I have none of them. What I’ve learned is is that a quick reaction is a bad reaction 95 percent of the time, even if it's not intended to be. So what does that mean? Well, how many times do we see people post something on Twitter and they have to pull it back, or or cut it, or delete it, whatever. It's done because they did. So an emotional moment Twitter has replaced kind of face-to-face interaction. It's almost as if it's anonymous or feels anonymous. So I can say whatever I want and then it's like posted into the world forever. If you can figure out how to pull back that instant communication what you'll find is it gives you time to be able to consider all the things we talked about in one through four. What's the real problem what is the worst case scenario. How do I avoid that worst case scenario, and how do I build out options that make the situation better? Because once you begin a formal communication and it's done through emotion without a thought process of what the end goal is, what you end up with is a path or a direction. You don't want to go, so maybe you've been given unreasonable expectations. Or, somebody says you didn't do your job correctly, and you're like no I actually did my job, somebody else caused the problem. How you figure that out is to be able to pull back and use these four steps. What's the issue? Another misunderstanding of the situation. What's the worst case scenario? Well, I could be fired or it could hurt a personal relationship in a massive way. Is that what I really want? No, it's really not. That's a worst case scenario that first 50, as I mentioned.

Okay, so how do I build out different strategies that take away that worst case scenario? And how do I communicate in an effective way in that moment to ensure that i'm moving to where I actually want to be?The big thing here is to consider scenarios, realize the problem. Actually, it's the other way. Realize the problem, create scenarios, and don't communicate too quickly without thinking about how it might be perceived or how it might be received. So that's in the short term, and that gets you to a point where you can then figure out how to move forward in a particular situation or scenario. But, there's the long term and there's a lot of people right now who are going through, not just one situation, but lots of situations, and we mention them at the top of the podcast. Whether it's pandemic or professional challenges, financial challenges, things of that nature, there's a couple things you can do in life that I think is critically important to being what I would think of as prepared to deal with the unknown, and that's usually what the problem is, it's the unknown. Things that we're prepared for we actually don't worry about as much. It's the unknown the things that are not possible to see, but there are things in life you can do to be better prepared, in general. So one of which is just in terms of prep. 

Think about your financial security. You have a reserve fund. Your professional security. Do you do your job well? Do you show up early? Do you stay late? Do you listen to your boss? Do you do the things that are required to communicate effectively? And the personal… do you take care of the people that are closest to you, the people that care the most? These basic three things create flexibility and options when you have a little bit extra money in a savings account. When you have great professional habits that no matter what profession you're in would be viewed as a very strong positive, and do you take care of the relationships that are closest to you, so when you need support it's there, that kind of basic prep can get you a long ways to being prepared for what comes, even if you don't expect it. The second thing I would recommend is a sense of positivity. There are a lot of people I deal with who I really work with to better - to have them better understand that the world's not the worst place in the world. I want them to see that the world's a pretty cool place, and while there are challenges and sometimes they're not even fair in terms of outcomes, that there's a lot of really positive things in most people's lives. Doesn't mean they're perfect. Doesn't mean they don't have obstacles. Doesn't mean that maybe it's not even fair. It’s unfair to them. Being positive has so many wonderful outcomes. Seeing more options, don’t, not thinking people are against you, not thinking the the world's conspiring against you. How do you do that? Well sometimes that's meditation. Sometimes that's the ability to have a group surrounding you that is more positive. Finding people that will support you, that appreciate you and love you and care for you unconditionally, those are all things that can lead to positive thought processes.

Number three is, as you go through these particular issues in life trying to stay focused is really important. You can't run from problems in life. You have to address them at some point. I like to think about visualization, and really, it's about imagination. I look at my kids in the way in which they're able to come up with, you know, two blocks and a paper towel roll create the fact that there are prince and a princess that they can take themselves out of that moment of what's actual to create a world that is imaginary and is fun and happy and exciting. I’m not advocating that you disappear into a virtual reality, but what I am saying is is that visualization of situations can be really important. It allows you to get out of your own perspective and maybe elevate above the scenario to see all the players, so visualizing what you want can be reinforcement of understanding the problem. And also, Tony Robbins talks about this immensely, visualization can actually be the goal, the plan, how do you get to your dreams. I think the idea of visualization is under realized. If things aren't going the way you want, visualize what you do want, can that be accomplished, where you are is that somewhere else with a different group of people, with different responsibilities, how do you see yourself being happy and successful? Think about what that means for you. I also believe in lifelong learning and I talk about this an awful lot, but finding the lessons in the challenges is really important. Maybe there's a way to avoid this situation in the future but if you're not willing to be objective and look at the issue at the situation and learn from it then you're bound to repeat it. And if it wasn't a pleasant experience then you're repeating that emotion, so I’d highly recommend when things happen and you calm down and maybe you've used the short-term solutions, one of the long-term solutions is, what do I really learn from this. What do I need to do? Not to repeat it from that. 

You may learn you need to have different skills. So another long-term solution - work on those skills. What things do you need to have to grow? And I did a podcast here recently on the idea of Maslow and the concept of self-actualization. Self-actualization isn't that you are perfect. It's that you know where you are and how you can be better and that goes back to that lifeline, lifelong learning. So work on those skills. You might also think about elevating or changing your peer group if the people around you are negative or don't fit with the morals, ethics, direction you're trying to go. Then in some ways they're not in your dreams. They're part of your reality and they're holding you back from them. So think about the people you surround yourself with. Are they positive? Do they look at the world with the glass being half full? Are they able to create a positive direction for themselves, and for you, are they just negative and holding you back your peer group? Maybe it's professional in the office. Maybe it's personal, should represent what's the very best of you and what's possible.

Lastly, I’ll say this. Don't ever give up. Don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on the situation. Don't give up on what the possibilities. Might be at a certain point you may realize that they're more, they're less likely to happen and then you come up with an alternative plan. Maybe you need a new job. Maybe you need to move somewhere. Maybe you need to change peer groups. But don't give up. And I see this a little bit more and more. Where people are just - they're just down they're like well, I don’t, you know it is what it is. No, you can change it. You can fight for it. Life isn't meant to be easy. Life is meant to be challenging and so if you think about the long term about being prepared, having options, practicing that positivity, staying focused on what you need to accomplish, this idea of visualization. If you can figure out how to build skills based on what you learn from situations. And lastly, if you can create, surround yourself with people that are the very best of what you want to be you won't have the ability to give up. 

I know this is a lot of theory in this particular podcast, probably not as much practicality other than the suggestions, but I’m spending more and more time in my coaching and working with gift officers and chief development officers and boards spending more more time reaffirming many of these particular issues because there are options. There are good things to come. There's great opportunity to make a difference in one person's life ,in lots of people's lives, in the lives of the people you care for the most, and even into the organizations and missions that we work for and believe in. It goes back to what I always say. I usually end with it. Some people make things happen, some people watch things happen, then there are those who wondered what happened, and my great concern is is that there are more people moving towards wondering what happened and I want people to be out there making things happen for themselves, for the people they love, and for the communities that they live in, and that's what really nonprofit work’s really all about. 

Don't forget to check out the website hallettphilanthropy.com, the blogs are there - two or three a week, 90 second reads. If you want to reach out to me right here with Randall email me podcast@hallettphilanthropy.com. Podcast@hallettphilanthropy.com. Don't forget you are part of a profession, a movement and effort, philanthropy, love of mankind, in making a difference for other people. I hope today if you need it, it gives you some tactical philosophical thoughts on how you can be whole. So you can take that to your nonprofit into your professional life into your personal life to make it better for everybody, because that's what it's all about, it's about helping others and making a difference. And I’m honored for people who listen to this podcast that I might be a very, very, very, very, very, very small part of that process. Appreciate you joining me again here on “Around with Randall.” We'll see you next time on this podcast and don't forget, make it a great day.