The Older I Get, the More Difficult it Becomes… and the Bigger the Joy at the End
Within the last month or so, I had an unusual occurrence. At least unusually so in the last five years. I had two long trips in back-to-back weeks. And for this 54-year-old man, there was more emotion than I anticipated.
My two trips were for good reasons. In fact, I enjoyed both. But in the mornings, at about 4:00 AM both times, my emotional state, getting in the shower, to catch , as I call it with my children, that “o’dark-30 flight” was not all that positive. Almost depressing. I simply didn't want to go because I was leaving the people I love the most. In that same vein, my flights home were more joyous. I couldn't wait to see my wife and kids. More so than usual, in part because of the back-to-back weeks with longer travel
For context, I used to do this kind of travel consistently. I'd be gone multiple days 3 or 4 weeks every month. And while I didn't really like being gone, that emotional low and high were not as profound. And it seems every time I have to head to the airport to leave my home, my family, it's getting harder and harder.
Leaving home can feel challenging because our brains are wired to seek stability and predictability, often found in familiar environments. Home is a known setting where routines, social interactions, and comforts are established, which help reduce cognitive stress. Being away from home triggers a stress response, activating the sympathetic nervous system. This leads to increased cortisol levels, which can contribute to feelings of anxiety, restlessness, and even physical discomfort. From an evolutionary standpoint, leaving one’s “safe space” has historically signified potential threats, which may explain our tendency to feel uneasy.
Returning home, in contrast, can quickly activate the parasympathetic nervous system—the "rest and digest" state—which reduces stress hormone levels, slows the heart rate, and promotes relaxation. Familiarity also creates a mental “safe zone,” reinforcing positive neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, which promote a sense of well-being and happiness. Additionally, homes often reflect our identities, values, and social bonds, deepening the sense of belonging and psychological safety. This emotional connection provides a sense of stability and grounding, making the return home feel physically and mentally soothing. In short, home is more than a place; it’s a psychological anchor that reinforces security and reduces stress.
There's an old adage that my mother reminds me of when I mention this challenge. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” And like with most things in life, Mom is correct. Being gone, even though I enjoy it professionally, brings so much clarity into what's really important in my life.
I love my clients. I love working with them. It brings me incredible professional joy to see them succeed. But nothing replaces how much I love, and as important, genuinely like my wife and kids. Thank goodness the joy and coming home always outweighs the sadness of leaving.
