Criticism is Taken Differently… Lesson Learned
I screwed up.
As a Coach.
As a Dad.
And learned a key lesson.
I coach both my daughter’s (8-year-old) and my son’s (11-year-old) basketball teams. In both weekly practice sessions, I have them do drills that are competitive (e.g. - two groups shooting lay-ups, first group to 20 wins) so they feel a little bit of the pressure of a game. I also have the losing group do push-ups… normally 2-5. Nothing overwhelming. And I have commentary with the kids about how bad the push-ups truly are, in execution (form).
I have had no problem with the 11-year-old boys. But I messed up the girls. Particularly, my own daughter.
My daughter is amazing…as a person, student, artist, friend, child, and with basketball. But she does the WORST push-ups. They look like a dead worm trying to get up in the hot sunlight. My mistake was commenting about this… in front of the team. And I paid for it when we got home. She was very upset at “Coach Dad.” She was embarrassed.
And I learned and was reminded… girls and boys learn differently. At around eight years old, children are developing self-awareness, emotional regulation, and resilience. However, research suggests boys and girls may respond differently to criticism due to both biological and social influences.
Studies indicate that boys are more likely to externalize criticism, meaning they may respond with defiance, frustration, or even humor. According to a study published in Child Development, boys are generally less sensitive to verbal feedback than girls, often due to social norms that encourage toughness. Boys may also struggle with self-regulation more than girls at this age, leading to impulsive reactions when criticized. Additionally, research from the Journal of Educational Psychology suggests that boys are more likely to view constructive criticism as a challenge rather than a personal failure, particularly in academic or competitive settings.
Conversely, girls at this age are more likely to internalize criticism. A study in Developmental Psychology found that girls tend to have a stronger emotional response to negative feedback, often feeling guilt or self-doubt. This may be linked to higher levels of social sensitivity and a greater tendency to seek approval from peers and authority figures. Girls also demonstrate a higher capacity for self-reflection, sometimes leading to overanalyzing feedback rather than using it as motivation.
While individual differences exist, understanding these trends can help parents, educators, and coaches (especially Dads) tailor their approach, ensuring that both boys and girls develop resilience and a growth mindset when receiving constructive criticism. That means I need to change my delivery… and spend some extra time with my daughter… groveling included.
